Date? Well Call Me a Motherfucking Martyr (A Conversation)

Anna (1:42:46 PM): so what happened friday night?
Deena (1:44:32 PM): ahh, remember that guy I was talking to that I didn’t want to talk about?
Deena (1:44:37 PM): I guess it was with good reason
Anna (1:44:37 PM): yea
Deena (1:44:38 PM): lol
Anna (1:44:42 PM): lol awww
Anna (1:44:43 PM): what happened?
Deena (1:44:54 PM): well, we went to the movies, and out to eat
Deena (1:45:03 PM): he was acting weird the whole time

Anna (2:51:45 PM): well, what’s wrong?
Deena (2:52:04 PM): I don’t feel fabulous
Deena (2:52:08 PM): I feel fat and ugly
Deena (2:52:29 PM): I guess that’s what rejection does…but that’s not quite it either
Anna (2:52:37 PM): well you’re not fat and ugly
Anna (2:52:47 PM): well what happened on friday?
Deena (2:53:01 PM): you’re my best friend, you’re supposed to tell me that
Deena (2:53:02 PM): lol
Deena (2:53:08 PM): check this out:
Anna (2:53:49 PM): no, I don’t
Anna (2:54:13 PM): nice web site
Deena (2:54:27 PM): thank you
Anna (2:54:38 PM): no prob
Deena (2:54:42 PM): finally got my own lol
Anna (2:55:50 PM): lol
Anna (2:56:29 PM): so yea, tell me what happened
Deena (2:56:45 PM): so I met this kid on myspace
Deena (2:56:52 PM): he seemed really cool
Deena (2:57:00 PM): we talked on the phone like all the time
Deena (2:57:09 PM): so we decide to meet up.
Deena (2:57:31 PM): now, I met him in union square, because I had to go to the bank and what not
Deena (2:57:56 PM): we met about when we saw each other, he gave me a high five
Deena (2:57:57 PM): …
Deena (2:58:10 PM): which in itself would mean nothing, right?
Deena (2:58:33 PM): but he said he was affectionate, so I would have expected a hug
Deena (2:58:37 PM): whatever,
Anna (2:58:44 PM): ok
Deena (2:58:51 PM): we went to the movies to see the new adam sandler movie
Deena (2:59:06 PM): we got there a bit early (as it was opening weekend)
Deena (2:59:12 PM): and we talked for a bit
Deena (2:59:23 PM): he was so tense and could barely look me in the eye
Deena (2:59:35 PM): then he asked if I wanted some snacks
Anna (2:59:41 PM): hmm ok
Deena (2:59:51 PM): I said no, cause we were going to get something to eat afterward
Anna (3:00:18 PM): ok
Deena (3:00:23 PM): he insisted on getting a drink, so he went to get one….took him a little while. I was beginning to think he was gonna flake out
Deena (3:00:32 PM): which would have mortified me, for sure
Deena (3:00:37 PM): but he came back
Deena (3:00:43 PM): asked if I wanted a sip
Deena (3:01:07 PM): I teasingly asked if he had herpes, and he;s like, yeah g-complex
Deena (3:01:08 PM): lol
Deena (3:01:19 PM): I took a first sip, and that was it
Deena (3:01:39 PM): I thought, (at that point) maybe it wasn’t so bad if he offered to share a drink?
Anna (3:02:09 PM): i could see that
Deena (3:02:34 PM): but then, the whole time we were in the movies, my leg would brush against mine, or my arm, he would tense up again
Deena (3:02:44 PM): huh,, thought i, is he being shy?
Deena (3:03:04 PM): so we get out the theatre, and outside
Deena (3:03:23 PM): my friend Eric texts me and asked what I was doing, that there was a party
Deena (3:03:58 PM): I told the guy I was with, and he was like oh, ok. Are you going to meet up with them later?
Deena (3:04:39 PM): which further led me to believe that maybe I was imagining things; that would have been a perfect exit opportunity, right?
Anna (3:05:08 PM): yea
Deena (3:05:52 PM): so I wanted to take him to my fave thai restaraunt, but it was closed
Deena (3:05:57 PM): *crowded
Anna (3:06:00 PM): aw
Deena (3:06:03 PM): sorry, talking to ash
Deena (3:06:09 PM): I meant crowded
Deena (3:06:34 PM): so he was like, well let’s just walk and we’ll bump into something
Anna (3:07:33 PM): k
Deena (3:07:56 PM): so we walked and walked til we got to washington square
Deena (3:08:04 PM): he said he;s never been in.
Deena (3:08:13 PM): so I say, hey, let’s walk through
Deena (3:08:35 PM): though I warned him it’s pretty dark and weirdos were known to lurk in there
Deena (3:09:00 PM): he laughed and said he wasn’t worried (he’s an auxiliary cop, not that that matters)
Anna (3:09:25 PM): okay
Anna (3:09:39 PM): superficial question – white or black?
Deena (3:10:05 PM): so we walked trough…half of it was closed off, though. in the middle of walking through, we pass by some random black dude, and the dude says to the guy i’m with (white of course)
Hopefull Amnesia (3:10:16 PM): you take care of that pretty lady you’re with
Anna (3:10:22 PM): ok
Deena (3:10:28 PM): he pauses, thinks, and says ok
Deena (3:11:03 PM): as I walk away, weirded out, the man say, no disrespect, but you look beautiful tonight. just want to make sure you’re being taken care of
Deena (3:11:04 PM): lol
Deena (3:11:11 PM): *says
Anna (3:11:32 PM): thats sweet of the random black dude
Deena (3:11:35 PM): so we walk down to west 4th
Deena (3:11:48 PM): yes, it was. that happened again that night, too
Deena (3:12:42 PM): and then we had a random group of black people pass by and yell at me “white genes are recessive! a girl like you has GOT to come back to the race. resessive, recessive!”
Deena (3:12:56 PM): I was mortified, but now that I think about it, it was quite funny
Deena (3:13:20 PM): but anyway
Deena (3:14:12 PM): so we walked all the way to bleeker, cause he wanted to go to somewhere there that was closed,, so I told him we could just grab a slice
Deena (3:14:33 PM): we did, and we sat by a bus stop to eat,, and then we traded iPods to see what kind of music each other had
Deena (3:15:00 PM): I had way more music than he did, and I had nearly everything that he had
Anna (3:15:00 PM): actually that is really hilarious – the going back to your race part
Anna (3:15:04 PM): ok
Hopefull Amnesia (3:15:38 PM): he was teasing me about the music I had, I called him kinda gay for having backstreet boys
Deena (3:15:38 PM): lol
Deena (3:15:44 PM): I thought it was going ok
Deena (3:16:14 PM): so then I took out my lipgloss (we had just finished eating) and offered him some gum, and then he got all weird again
Anna (3:16:34 PM): ok
Deena (3:16:37 PM): we were passing by a duane reade and I remembered I had no contact solution, so I dragged him inside
Deena (3:17:02 PM): he was all droopy and—I couldn’t place it.
Deena (3:17:13 PM): so I say drily, you’re not having fun, are you
Deena (3:17:20 PM): and he says no are you?
Deena (3:17:26 PM): no, not really, said I.
Deena (3:17:39 PM): I told him he was being too tense and that is was making me nervous
Deena (3:17:48 PM): I asked him what his problem was
Deena (3:17:56 PM): he blurts out: I still think of my ex
Deena (3:18:06 PM): I give him a funny look, and then say
Deena (3:18:27 PM): I think of mine all the time, but it usually involves me in a car running him over
Hopefull Amnesia (3:18:28 PM): lol
Deena (3:18:42 PM): he says he didn’t mean it like that, but in another way
Anna (3:18:51 PM): oh ok
Deena (3:18:59 PM): I said, yeah, I understand. we all have at least one like that, you know?
Deena (3:19:16 PM): so I get what I went in for, and then we leave.
Deena (3:19:29 PM): we get outside (it’s about 12 now)
Deena (3:19:34 PM): and he’s like, I guess this is it
Deena (3:19:37 PM): HUH?
Deena (3:19:39 PM): WHAT?
Deena (3:19:47 PM): what do you mean—you wanna go home?
Deena (3:19:55 PM): my jaw dropped, I swear
Anna (3:20:03 PM): why?
Deena (3:20:17 PM): I was surprised he just came out of nowhere and said that
Anna (3:20:29 PM): you both admitted you weren’t having fun
Deena (3:20:38 PM): so I said….why, what’s wrong?
Anna (3:20:39 PM): seems natural to think the date was over
Anna (3:20:46 PM): ok
Deena (3:20:47 PM): eh, maybe
Deena (3:21:12 PM): ok, now I feel stupid, I don’t want to tell you the rest
Anna (3:21:20 PM): no you can
Anna (3:21:24 PM): don’t feel stupid
Anna (3:21:32 PM): people have reactions to things differently
Anna (3:21:43 PM): who knows, in the moment i would have be surprised too.
Deena (3:22:32 PM): so whatever. we were at west 4th with the orange lines, which I could take
Anna (3:22:53 PM): ok
Deena (3:22:57 PM): so I told him I was going to walk to 8th, and then walk down, but he was welcome to take the train there
Deena (3:23:11 PM): he decided to walk with me, ’cause he needed the yellow lines too
Deena (3:23:39 PM): so we were walking, and I am confused, and a little disappointed
Deena (3:23:44 PM): also I ask him if it was me
Deena (3:23:52 PM): he insisted no
Deena (3:24:00 PM): I asked him again, and he was like
Deena (3:24:15 PM): I know this will sound cliche, but it’s not you its me.
Anna (3:24:26 PM): oh god
Deena (3:24:37 PM): I stopped,, shook me head, and said, well gee thanks for making me feel better about myself, you’re a real pal
Deena (3:24:44 PM): at that point, I lit a cig.
Deena (3:25:02 PM): I didn’t smoke the whole time but at that point, I was like fuck it
Deena (3:25:31 PM): I told him quite squarely that I figured that out when we saw each other, and that he should have been honest
Deena (3:25:53 PM): we could have gotten that awkwardness out of the way and just bugged out like homies should
Anna (3:26:14 PM): ok
Deena (3:26:53 PM): so we ended up walking back to union. by the time we got there it seemed to have gotten a bit better, we were joking around, and people watching and it seemed like it got a lot better
Hopefull Amnesia (3:27:41 PM): so we stopped by the stairs (I had lit another cig) and I asked if he wanted to sit on the steps awhile, wince I was still smoking, and his attitude seemed to be better
Hopefull Amnesia (3:28:03 PM): he was like sure….then i finished my cig, and he got up.
Deena (3:28:15 PM): he’s like, no…I can;t do this
Deena (3:28:24 PM): I look at him like he’s retarded
Anna (3:28:25 PM): ok…
Deena (3:28:45 PM): do what? dude, I am so not trying to get into your pants or anything…we’re just talking…what the fuck?
Deena (3:29:01 PM): and he;s like “it” isn’t there, he doesn’t feel “it”
Deena (3:29:14 PM): exasperated, I was like fine, whatever.
Deena (3:29:54 PM): so we go into the train station, and he lets us in the station through the emergency doors
Deena (3:30:06 PM): he has transit keys, which is way cool
Deena (3:30:15 PM): but anyway, so we walks me down to the q
Anna (3:30:37 PM): ok he’s strange
Deena (3:31:01 PM): and I was like, listen, I think you took this whole thing a little too seriously,, and we could have had a better time if you were honest from the beginning
Deena (3:31:13 PM): I didn’t know what to expect, but I sure didn’t expect this at all
Deena (3:31:42 PM): I told him that
Deena (3:31:48 PM): he shrugged.
Deena (3:31:58 PM): we were talking of yuppies
Deena (3:32:04 PM): he was wearing this button down shirt
Deena (3:32:20 PM): and I was like dude, you look like you can blend in with them
Deena (3:32:36 PM): and he’s like you’re not exactly a fashionista yourself
Deena (3:32:54 PM): I looked damn good, or at least I thought I did
Deena (3:33:01 PM): what the fuck?
Anna (3:33:25 PM): was he joking back or dead serious?
Deena (3:35:12 PM): at that point, I was really done. as I was going to give him a piece of my mind, my train came. I told him, see ya, and got on
Deena (3:35:19 PM): I was angry, confused, upset
Deena (3:35:24 PM): I got hit on again, lol
Deena (3:35:38 PM): so I thought it couldn’t be me, right?
Deena (3:35:44 PM): but I still felt miserable
Anna (3:35:57 PM): im sorry hun. bad dates suck
Deena (3:36:03 PM): all the mixed signals, and…..I didn’t get it at all
Anna (3:36:19 PM): okay
Anna (3:36:32 PM): did anything happen after that?
Deena (3:36:36 PM): so after hearing my sad tale, what do you think?
Anna (3:36:38 PM): did you talk to him?
Deena (3:36:44 PM): oh! he called me later on that night
Anna (3:36:48 PM): honestly, you had a bad date
Deena (3:36:50 PM): when he got home
Anna (3:37:02 PM): which i could understand why you would be upset
Anna (3:37:07 PM): okay what did he say?
Deena (3:37:08 PM): wanted to make sure I got home alright
Anna (3:37:26 PM): that’s sweet
Deena (3:37:53 PM): I told him (rather coldly) I was alive, and I was trying to sleep when he called. I tild him how disappointed I was in him, and that the night could have been much better
Deena (3:38:27 PM): I also mentioned if he really wasn’t having a good time, we could have split after the movie, when my friend messaged me
Deena (3:38:41 PM): he didn’t say anything for a moment, and then he apologized
Anna (3:38:57 PM): ok
Deena (3:39:25 PM): and I was like, I wrote him an email, and he should go read it. then I said goodnight, and went to sleep
Anna (3:39:41 PM): what did you write?
Anna (3:39:58 PM): honestly, i could understand why you were upset. I probably would be too
Deena (3:39:59 PM): There is no point to writing this (as I don’t expect a reply) but writing is what I do…

Tonight went downhill really fast for no reason at all. My thing is, be honest. That’s it. Plain and simple.

I knew “it” wasn’t there as soon as I saw you and you gave me a high five. That didn’t bother me, it was something to do on a Friday night—hang out with a friend.

We could have had a much better time if you would have said as much in the beginning—you wouldn’t have been so tense, and neither would I. As I said earlier, I read people really well, and when I hang out with someone, I pick up on their mood and it affects me too.

I think you took the whole thing a little too seriously, and that’s a shame.

But (being a die-hard cynic) I guess I wasn’t surprised, and I really wasn’t holding my breath.

And by the way, using your ex as an excuse is pretty lame. And just plain….see through and fake.

There is nothing more left to say except this: I was really disappointed in you. I thought you were better than that.

Take care of yourself, huh?

Anna (3:40:57 PM): well, at the same, you took it a little too seriously too.
Deena (3:41:07 PM): oh boo
Anna (3:41:07 PM): granted, he should have said it from the beginning
Anna (3:41:23 PM): but at the same time, he may have not known how to address
Anna (3:41:37 PM): hey, you’d call me out if it was the other way around so no oh boo miss miss
Deena (3:41:57 PM): we have had many conversations. I told him I am upfront and honest, and expect the same
Deena (3:42:02 PM): he claimed to be like that too
Deena (3:42:08 PM): so what was I to think?
Anna (3:42:19 PM): okay, i understand that
Anna (3:42:40 PM): but at the same time, and you know this, people via computer is different from people face to face
Deena (3:42:45 PM): true
Anna (3:42:52 PM): you know? he could have been nervous as all hell
Deena (3:42:55 PM): but me? I am what I am
Deena (3:43:01 PM): true
Anna (3:43:13 PM): not that i’m saying he should’ve been honest from the beginning
Deena (3:43:23 PM): I didn’t get a nervous vibe, though. Just alternate relaxed and tense
Deena (3:43:26 PM): it was weird
Anna (3:43:31 PM): either way, you could just look at this as a seriously bad date
Anna (3:43:38 PM): hmm okay
Deena (3:43:39 PM): yeah….
Deena (3:44:10 PM): I called you when I got out of the train station on the way home, in case you were wondering
Deena (3:44:19 PM): brb
Anna (3:44:43 PM): oh okay. i didnt get it until like 7 in the morning
Anna (3:45:33 PM): but my ass went back to sleep
Anna (3:45:36 PM): sorry
Deena (3:52:14 PM): lol, that’s ok
Anna (3:53:15 PM): yea
Anna (3:53:23 PM): well have you spoken to him since then?
Deena (3:53:34 PM): yesterday, he called me actually
Anna (3:53:50 PM): really?
Deena (3:53:55 PM): yep
Anna (3:54:20 PM): what did he say?
Deena (3:54:38 PM): seemed apologetic enough, asked if I felt comfortable talking to me, if I still wanted to be friends
Deena (3:54:52 PM): I said it was no big deal, whatever
Anna (3:54:54 PM): well thats nice
Deena (3:54:59 PM): yeah
Deena (3:55:00 PM): lol
Anna (3:56:33 PM): what did you say
Deena (3:56:51 PM): I told him it was no big deal
Deena (3:57:11 PM): because I take comfort in the fact that although he was cute, I have had cuter guys lick my toes
Deena (3:57:12 PM): lol
Anna (3:57:40 PM): lol
Deena (3:57:55 PM): which is true lol
Anna (3:58:27 PM): im sure


Thanks for the love <3

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